Thursday, March 27, 2014


27 March 2014, 8pm. There was a fire at penang hill. Unfortunately, the iPad camera couldn't capture a sharp shot of the fire. It is the long, diagonal stretch of orange light in the photo. Photos are blur because of zooming in.

Things That Can't Be Expressed 5

Lappy is being antisocial again. Actually, when Lappy came back from the doctors, it did show signs of being antisocial. I just let it slide seeing that Lappy worked after restarting. After a few days of not using Lappy, I decided to pay Lappy some attention. Turned Lappy on, no wifi connection detected. Refreshed connection, nothing showed. Restart computer, no connection. Shut down and start again, connection detected but only lasted a few minutes. Neglected Lappy for another few days after that. Yesterday, turned Lappy on. Same problem. Refresh, restart, shut down, turn on. No sign of internet connection. Troubleshoot results indicated, cable not plugged in. Lappy runs on wifi, not cable. Fine. Brought Lappy to cable, plugged it in, there is internet connection. Removed cable, back to no internet connection. I supposed Lappy has come to the end of it's useful life. Lappy's life has been very simple. Never had to do arduous tasks, unlike it's predecessor. It seems that everything in life is indicating that I need a new beginning. That I ought to let go of things that were once a big part of my life. I have already accepted the fact but with changes comes pain. I was told that my pain is nothing compared to what others have to go through. You can't just go round telling people their troubles are not troubles just because you think so. Different people go through different kinds of woes. There is no standard template to measure a woe to see whether it qualifies as a woe by world standards. Healing takes time. Felt a great pang of pain after seeing something which I do not want to see, by accident. I couldn't justify why as I have accepted the fate. I thought I could mask the pain by trivialising it against the mishap of the missing airplane MH370. The anguish of not having answers regarding the mystery, the pain of not knowing the fate of their loved ones, seems greater than my woe. But even a pain of that size couldn't beat the pain I felt at that moment. There are a lot of questions which will never be answered. I will never know what went wrong as there is no black box in my case. I shouldn't have let you in. I shouldn't have trusted and belief. Just like the family members of the victims, I need closure.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Chrysanthemum Tea

Last night, mum decided to make some chrysanthemum tea. She poured the chrysanthemum into a pot and added boiling water. I went into the kitchen to get something. I turned to talk to mum. Something caught my attention. There were a lot of tiny roach like bugs on the table. God knows I have phobia for bugs of any kind, especially cockroach. I told mum that there are a lot of roaches on the table. She didn't belief me. She came over to have a look. She was startled as well. She wipe the family away with a damp cloth. She mumbled, it must be from the chrysanthemum. Must pour the whole pot. She then went and took out the remainder of the dried chrysanthemum from the package. Lo and behold. The entire nation of tiny bugs was in there. I lifted the lid of the pot to have a look. There were larvae, pupa, bugs, an entire ecosystem or stages of metamorphosis in there. That really gross me out. Mum poured the entire pot of chrysanthemum tea into the sink. Guess I'll refrain from drinking dried chrysanthemum tea for a while.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Again 2

Got up this morning and headed straight to the basin to puke. Nothing came out except sticky saliva. After gargling, had the urge to puke again. This went on for a while. After multiple rounds, Held my chin up, walked away from the sink to stop it. That didn't help. The stomach muscles or whatever that moves when we vomit, has been activated. Kept getting vomit attack. Lifted my head and walked back into my room. Didn't eat anything the whole day. Have been solely on liquid. Haven't been able to eat since the vomit attack started about a month ago.

Saturday, March 22, 2014


For some unknown reason, I decided to pay my old blog a visit. It has been about three years plus since I last visited it. I used to post diligently on both blogs, but it got really hectic and I ran out of different things to post on both blogs. So I started to post less on the old blog. Partly that, as well as to avoid seeing things that I do not want to see. I started out blogging on the old blog platform because of the then old flame, as a way for us to connect since we were poles apart (literally). Eventually, I stopped posting on the old blog. Anyway, since Lappy came back from the doctor's, I decided to test run Lappy. So I guess that's how I ended up at the old place.

When I clicked on the link to the old blog, the reality sank in. Right in from of my eyes, was this big white box with a message, the platform has ceased operation. As though I haven't been hit hard enough yet, lately, this is like another slap on the face. It's telling me that it's gone, for good. It's as if everything in my life didn't happened. It doesn't exist. Just like everything that I've been through all these years, everything that I've hold on to are just merely bags of gas. Nothing more. I vaguely remember the things that took place. Neither do I remember the order in which all the people I deemed important at some point in my life, entered my life. The blog entries serve as a reminder of things that took place. I don't know whether this is a sign from above or what, but could you at least be less harsh to me? What have I done to deserve such treatment? Must you demote me to a level where my value is less than air? Someday, this page might be gone too.

Friday, March 21, 2014


Puke gut juice out this morning. Followed by vomit attack. Try to refrain from vomiting. Held my chin up and hold it in. It was really difficult. Worried that I might puke on myself. Sigh. Lost weight again.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Update On Lappy

Two days ago, Lappy became antisocial and wasn't able to connect to the internet. I thought Lappy has come to it's final days. It's always difficult when it comes the time to part with things that has been in your life for some time. Either that or I just have separation anxiety. What the heck. Lappy is relatively new. It has been with me for about 2-3 years I think. I handle it with care. It still has it's factory plastics on. When Lappy was unable to connect to the internet ( for unknown reasons) after trying everything I know about getting the computer to connect to the internet, I feared the worst. I feared that the wifi port was burnt. I fear that Lappy was dying. I can't let Lappy die. I have a lot of stuff in it. We have been through good and bad times together. There is just too much memories that we shared. So, I decided to bring Lappy to the "doctor". I described the problems that Lappy showed to the "doctor". The doctor then asked, " when was the last time Lappy was formatted?". I looked at the doctor and said, " never, since it was bought😂". The doctor replied, "well,possibly Lappy has to be reformatted". I went on describe the problems that I've encountered and don't know how, brought up could it possibly be virus attack? The doctor said it is possible that virus attack can cause connectivity problems as well as hardware issues, like unable to print, USB port not functioning. I told her that I didn't know virus attack could be a cause for internet connectivity. She suggested that they run a software check to see whether it can solve lappy's problem as well as reformat Lappy. So I agreed, and left Lappy in their care. The doctors were very attentive. A couple of hours after I dropped Lappy off, they called and say lappy's fine. It was all due to software problem. Thank god. I went and picked Lappy up today. It's fine and dandy but restored to factory settings, meaning to say most of the things are gone (Lappy has amnesia) including Microsoft office programs. Now the real problem arise. It would not be wise to repurchase the original Microsoft office program as the new computers selling in the market now are running on windows 8 or something newer. Whilst Lappy is running on windows 7. So if I were to repurchase the Microsoft office program, it could only be used by Lappy. And in the event Lappy decides to leave, I would have lost $200++ for purchasing something only compatible with windows 7. Bummer. If only the human mind can be restored to factory settings. Life would be great.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Hybrid Lizard

Last night, a black lizard appeared in the kitchen. I was instructed to kill it. Hence, equipped with a can of insecticide, I walked towards the wall where the black lizard was and sprayed it with insecticide. It didn't run in fear. Instead it lifted it's tail and waved, either as a challenge or fanning the insecticide away. It then moved further up the wall. Suddenly it lost balance and fell onto the cabinet. Mum screamed and told me to spray more. So I did. But the lizard quickly went under the microwave. I bent and peek under the microwave. Before I knew it. It hopped out from under the cabinet. Yes, you read correctly and I typed correctly. The black lizard hopped instead of crawl like normal lizards do. I was instructed to kill lit with the fly swatter. So I sprayed more insecticide on it and hit it with the fly swatter. It wasn't soft like normal lizards. It was hard. After hitting it once, it remained still. I thought it was dead so I was going to pick it up with the tongs. Suddenly it moved. I was startled. I reached for the fly swatter. This time I hit the black lizard harder. It looks motionless, so I picked it up with the tongs and got rid of it. This is my first encounter with a hopping lizard. It hopped like a frog. Dark, hard skinned frizzard.


Everything seems to be going wrong lately. It's as though I've been jinx. Anyway, something is wrong with lappy. Somehow, it can't connect to the wifi. I clicked on the network connection but no connection appears. Normally a list of available network connections would appear. This time around though nothing.  So I restarted lappy several times. Still no connection network appear. Even shut down and turn on again. Still the same. And the annoying popup switch to or retry would not close. Frustrating. To the jinx that has been jinxing me, if I could unknow you, I would. My life was great until you appear.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

The Real Little Mermaid

Some people just can't let fairy tales remain fairy tales. Just have to ruin the innocence. Anyway, it's just for knowledge. No one can't take away what you truly belief in.

Friday, March 07, 2014


The lower eyelid of my left eye is still twitching. It has been 3 days already. It's like Miley Cyrus is there doing her twerking. I was worried so I did a little look up. Some of the results state that it's probably due to dry eyes ( but my eyes aren't dry), I can't remember the other reasons. But one that caught my attention was Tourette syndrome. Touchwood. I just hope it's due to dry eyes. Anyway, speaking of series of unfortunate events, one happened two nights ago. I was rudely awaken by mosquito attack. The irritating creatures bit me all over my face. I wanted to just let it slide but it got too unbearable. The itch got worse cause the mosquitoes bit me all over my face. So I got up, turn on the lights and tried to catch the mosquitoes. They were nowhere to be found. So I went out to wash my face to reduce the itch. When I got back in and was about to turn off the lights, in came a bee. What on earth. So I had to go out and grab the insecticide to kill the bee. Went up to the bee and sprayed bug spray on it. It didn't die immediately, but the whole room was filled with the smell of insecticide. I had no other choice but to move to another room to sleep.

Wednesday, March 05, 2014


The lower eyelid of my left eye has been twitching the whole day. Wonder what is wrong. Could it be a premonition to something? It's really getting on my nerves.